Quotes

I love quotes. I could spend all day reading quotes. It seems as though everyone else is so much more articulate than I am. I read a particularly resonant quote and think to myself, "This person has just put into words a phenomenon that I didn't even recognize existed until they articulated it so well." Then I wonder how I had overlooked that particular phenomenon. Quote reading has been a hobby of mine since eighth grade when I needed to find a quote to begin my speech about Gloria Steinem with (I think only recently have I discovered just how controversial a figure she is). The quote I chose resides somewhere in my gut, probably right next to my heart. Or that place that sinks when you hear tragic news that sickens you or rises into your throat when you are excited. The quote goes like this:

Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have always thought that this would be the quote that stayed with me my entire life. This has been my motto since I found it 7 years (!) ago. It likely will continue to hold this position as it is easy to remember and something worth living by. However, this night has provided some stiff competition in the race for number 1 quote. This quote does not inspire, it does not fire up the spirit. Instead it describes... well, I doubt I could explain it while giving it the justice it deserves, so I will let it speak for itself.

The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear. - Stephen King (Different Seasons)

After a quote like that, I may just have to start reading more (or any) Stephen King. Though I not necessarily one for sci-fi or mystery novels.

My christmas gift to myself

It has been ages since I have posted a blog. It is as though my life seems to be a revolving set of homework, placement, lectures, homework, placement, lectures. Blogging just got left behind to be able to deal with everything else. I have even been to England and back, am half way through my third year of university and am planning to return to England to work again, come the summer. For now though, I am stuck trudging away.

For the past semester I have been living at my parents' house for half of each week and at my house for the other half due to circumstances surrounding my placement. Thus it was good bye routine, healthy eating and exercise.... who am I fooling? Those things have never really existed in my university life. This semester however, I had an excuse.

Then I stepped on the scale before going to bed and saw a number that made my jaw drop and my heart sink. Now I know what they say about self worth not being attached to a number and blah blah blah. Truth is, I feel the same way. I guess the difference is that this number simply manifested the way I have been feeling all semester.

I haven't been eating well, I haven't been exercising, I have been keeping irregular hours - all of which have combined to make me feel.. I don't know, just unhealthy. That is the best way to put it. It is that feeling of knowing that you are not taking care of yourself. This was compounded by the fact that I am a nursing student and know what happens when you don't take care of yourself. I see the end result. And who am I to be telling my patients to eat well and exercise when I am not doing that myself? Like those nurses who stand outside of the hospital and smoke, it is just hypocritical.

I have tried to do little things here and there, but you can't buy fresh food if it goes bad by the time you eat it (and freezer space is limited when it is shared among three roommates and consists of one of those tiny over the fridge units) and the budget is tight. So I have done little things like picking the healthiest kind of Minute Rice (which is actually pretty healthy!) and freezing what I can.

One of my roommates keeps asking why I am so fixated on calories and fat content and such, that I should just make sure I feel good and that is it. But I don't.

So there is the whining. But now what I am doing to do about it, you ask?

I am going to run.

Well, learn to run or jog or whatever. I am going to start tomorrow (as it is already past midnight) - Christmas Eve. I am going to go for a walk tomorrow and get active. My goal is to do something active everyday. My Christmas gift to myself this year is going to be health and happiness.

I am going to feel healthy and feel good in my skin this year! And this is where my blog comes back into the picture. After tonight's run in with the scale, I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep (difficult because I had an hour's nap at, like, 8 o'clock) when finally I decided to make this determination.

Speaking of determinations, this summer while I was working in the UK I was introduced to the practice of Nichiren Buddhism (trust me it is not a cult, despite what you may hear, or the results you may get from a google search). I loved it. I chanted gongyo (the recitation of two segments of the Lotus Sutra and the repeated chanting of nam-myoho-renge-kyo) twice a day with my aunt through out the summer. Only once I got home, my chanting stopped. I didn't have anyone I was accountable to and, I am sad to say, it just went out the window. So another determination of mine is to chant at least once a day, every day.

Knowing how my brain works, I can't simply rely on myself and my own will power to stick with something. I need someone else who knows, someone else I am beholden unto - someone to beat me over the head with my own laziness. So the first thing I did was I sent a text to my friend who happens to be in New York City with his family to let him know about this promise to get fit (explicitly stating I didn't need a response). This may come in handy as he is a runner (you may congratulate me later on my strategic choice of friend). The next thing I did was powered up my computer and located this blog once again to let all of you (whoever you are, see post: It's lonely being a blogger) know. That way if anyone actually reads this blog, I will also be beholden unto you to keep up my end of the proverbial bargain. What your end is, I do not know.

So I will update this blog as frequently as possible (which may be quite frequently as it is Christmas holiday) and no less than once a week with my completed activities, etc.

It's lonely being a blogger.

The title of this blog pretty much sums up my feelings at the moment. Julie Powell brought it home for me the other day... or rather Amy Adams as Julie Powell brought it home for me the other day. Or maybe it should be: Julie Powell, as portrayed by Amy Adams, in the words of Nora Ephron - oh I give up! Let me just put it this way.

Last week I was watching director Nora Ephron's new movie Julie&Julia. Julie Powell (Adams) sets up a blog chronicling her adventures as she cooks her way through renown chef Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Part way through the film, she becomes disheartened because she feels like no one is paying attention to her blog. That all her work and her writing is simply falling into some great, big void never to be seen or heard of again.

Sitting in the theatre, as much as it was annoying to here the woman complain - again - I sat there with a certain level of empathy in my heart.

For I know what it is like - feeling like you are writing to no one.

I do have two followers - and I thank them for following me, but isn't it always the case that the grass is always greener on the other side?

A Second Shot at... Fame???

The other day, I was watching an unremarkable television show with my sister. I was bored. I was on my computer. I was listening to music. I was multitasking. And as is the case with multitasking, I was paying little attention to any of the tasks I was trying to accomplish. That is until I heard a name I recognized. Psychologists refer to this as the 'Cocktail Party Effect,' subconsciously you are monitoring the conversations around you, but are only consciously paying attention to the one you are engaged in; that is, until you hear your name mentioned in one of those peripheral conversations you 'weren't' eavesdropping on. Only this time it wasn't my name (let's face it, I am not that famous and it would be just plain weird for a commercial to mention a name like mine).

It was Steven Seagal.

More relevantly, it was the words: Steven Seagal, cop, 20 years, that particularly grabbed my attention. Growing up in a household where my dad idolized Steven Seagal as everything it meant to be an ass-whopping, bad guy tormenting, victim avenging, testosterone injecting man - I was shocked to hear that Seagal took the law into his own hands (albeit in a legal way), as his day job in real life too. Granted, he is not hired as a trained assassin, or by governments, warlords or angry people with way to much money (wait, is there really any difference?).

Steven Seagal has a regular job? Really? Really, really, donkay.

Turns out that not only has Steven Seagal been a cop for 20 years, they are now making a Police-Women-of-Broward-County-or-COPS-esque reality television series out of it too (does anyone else think that Seagal may simply be running through the millions he made of action flicks in the 80s and 90s?).

Lawman premieres on A&E on December. I, for one, will not be watching. Not only do I not have cable in my uni house, apart from the novelty of the whole situation, do not find the show all that appealing. I will stick to rednecks being chase through fields only to have their face smashed into the concrete when they are caught and being given patronizing lectures by police officers telling them what the right course to follow in life is - on COPS.

Deputy Steven Seagal?

Critiquing Society

The strength of society can be measured in how it cares for its most vulnerable members, so the adage goes. If this is the case, then Toronto will likely come to the same end as Nero's Rome. And the 'Honorable' David Miller will be fiddling as it burns.

This is Al Gosling.

Mr. Gosling lost his home in the inferno this past week. No, he is not related to the notorious dysfunctional family from Pennsylvania and will not see a bailout funded by the Learning Channel. He is alone, he is 82 and he is now 93 pounds.

Thanks to a misunderstanding and lack of communication between the federal government department that dispenses his pension check and the municipal department that subsidizes his once humble, now non-existent apartment.

Coming home one day, he found his locks changed and all of his belongings - save the clothes on his back - confiscated. Sleeping under the apartment buildings stairs that night, he was awoken by a cop who brought him to a shelter, saying it wasn't safe under those stairs. While at the shelter, Mr. Gosling could not sleep for the constant noise and was so depressed he couldn't eat very much. As a result of his advanced age and his living situation, Mr. Gosling picked up a bug and was admitted to hospital because of chronic diarrhea.

He is about to be released, without anywhere to go. This is a man who never collected welfare or unemployment - even when he was out of work. He is an old man who deserves to have a rest for a bit. This should be is golden age. Instead it has been tarnished.

Is this how we treat our most vulnerable?? I hope not. If it is, I hope I never get old.

See the Toronto Star for more details. I have contacted the article's author to ask if there is anything that can be done. Details to follow.

change and the Average American

Americans wanted change. Right? Not so fast.

Maybe the proper phrasing would be: Americans wanted change?

As far as I am concerned, the Republicans are a party based on traditional, inchanging values. Most would probably be content with women still running the household, men marrying only women and women only men, children being raised in all white neighbourhoods and going to a traditional public school where students are fully within their rights to have a handgun in their backpacks - so long as it is registered with the State. Separate God from State? Never! Why would you not want 'In God We Trust' printed on everything from currency to the walls in judicial chambers? Who cares about torture and human rights, so long as American freedom to rule the world and all of its oil is maintained?

Obama promised change. That is what he campaign was based on. Change for an American people who said, at that time, that they were ready for change. That they wanted something different - something better.

But, like a spoiled child, this did not last long. They wanted change then, right then. If change didn't happen right then, they didn't want it to happen at all. So then when the Public Option was presented they had already presented something better. When Obama didn't deliver within the first 100 days in office they became restless and were bought by the health care industry.

Obama's Public Option shows the fickle nature of the American people. They say they want change, but they don't. Either that or they only want some kinds of change.

For instance, I have a friend - and I emphasize friend because we have debates such as this often - who is a gay man and is very impatient for change to come in the gay community. The more the better and the sooner it comes the happier he will be. More power to 'im as far as I am concerned. But then he turns around and says that healthcare cannot be changed too quickly because of the uproar Obama has caused with the Public Option. How does that make sense? This friend of mine was a hardline Obama supporter until, it seems, the man was actually elected and the honeymoon ended.

Yes, it would be wonderful to legalize gay marriage in the US, but is it life and death? No. Is health insurance? For tens of millions of Americans, the answer would be yes. So why this blatent double standard? Why does rapid change matter only in situation a but not in situation b, when situation b is so much more urgent than a?

Obama proposed reform will only affect people positively. For those who need affordable health insurance (such as those, say, making $5.00/hour at 3 different jobs), they will have access to it. Many of the 'working poor' are within one head cold of bankruptcy. I see bills coming into my job at the Ontario Health Insurance Plan (OHIP - Ontario publicly funded health insurance plan) for $500 to simply have a sinus infection treated! It will also have a positive effect on private health insurance premiums - with the cheaper competition, these companies with be force to lower their premiums to retain their competitive edge. Win-win, is it not?

Then why the resistance?

Vogue, Anna Wintour and Feminist Theory.

I like to think of myself as a feminist. Though I wouldn't give up boys in favor of the 'superior sex.' I think of myself - don't shoot me now - as a more Maggie Thatcher ideal of feminist. I don't seriously think women are better than men, no matter how much I joke about it. And I don't think that women should be given special laws and special these and special those because we have been just soooo hard done by in the past that it needs to be made up for now. Like it will make any difference! Women are good enough that we don't need to be coddled and handed things like children - we are equal with men and can do many things just as well and some a lot better than men (have you ever seen a man push a football from between his legs?).

This was Magaret Thatcher's belief too. When feminists across England were calling for labour laws to be put into place to help women in the job market, Maggie Thatcher told them to get equality for themselves. Don't go crying to her about it. She was born in the upper middle class and made herself who she became, without any help from laws and double standards. She fought for what she deserved and got it all by herself. So it is no wonder she had no sympathy for the feminists who came whining to her about how unfair England was for women!

If only society, business and industry would recognize women for the role they play by offering equal pay for equal work - which they still don't. If only popular culture wouldn't demonize the women who act more like men in their industry. For instance, the dragon lady, the ice queen - Anna Wintour, editor-in-chief of Vogue magazine. Sure, she may not be sweet as honey to you if you make a mistake working for her - but how many male bosses (maybe Donald Trump) are all daisies and lollipops to those who work them? Which male executive doesn't rule his board room and everyone in it with an iron fist?

Do they have books and movies made about them? Are they the stuff of rumours, gossip, snide remarks or become the stuff of New York idioms? No. Because that is what everyone expects from a man. But when women do the same thing - suddenly because she isn't maternal and caring she is a bitch and an ice queen.

Small Gestures

Every once in a while, I get the urge to sort out something almost insignificant in my immensely cluttered life. Recently this has meant purging my Facebook friends' list, reorganizing my bookshelf, getting rid of clothing that I haven't worn in years, and just today cleaning out the bookmarks page on my internet and sorting them into groups.

This was quite an interesting activity. Among other things, I found this video that I discovered at the beginning of this past school year.

Another interesting link I stumbled upon was to and article by Real Simple with simple ideas to brighten someone else's day at little expense to your own. Often these are referred to as small gestures.

I have long been a fan of these small gestures. My tenth grade religion teacher, Mrs. Holmes, introduced me to the first official small gesture I used on a regular basis. In Canada, Tim Horton's is a staple and she said that she would surprise the person in the drive through line up behind her by paying for their order.

Holding doors for those coming through the door behind you, smiling at perfect strangers you pass in the mall, making a funny little quip to the others in the elevator (leaving work with a bunch of others once, someone commented, "Quitting time, I guess," so I turned and said, "Damn straight!" The entire elevator got a chuckle of this little exchange) or giving a homeless person a granola bar or something, putting the change from your coffee in the charity jar.

There is this beggar in my university town who is always at the same corner. So one day when my friend and I were going to get lunch at the Subway across the street, so I asked him what kind he wanted. He was really surprised by this offer - I don't think it happens too often. So my friend and I split the cost and it cost us maybe $3 each.

This is another website that I think is adorable. The song, Say What You Will is by an artist from Near-Toronto, Ontario and the whole premise is fantastic - just letting people know you are thinking of them. Not to mention it is to raise awareness of the Walmart Walk for Miracles in support of children's hospitals!

I am not writing this to make myself look good. I am writing this because I am hoping to give someone else ideas to integrate small gestures of kindness in their own day. The website above has more ideas if you want them!

Pay it forward!

Very happy now

And even happier tomorrow!

My parents went up to the trailer this evening and my middle sister was already up there. So I went with my littlest (11-year-old) sister to see The Ugly Truth. Overall it was a very cleverly thought out premise, with just enough convention remaining to be a thoroughly enjoyable film.

After parking the car and as we were walking into the theatre, I could not believe how exciting I was becoming. I was going to see this movie and then, within 12 hours will be going to see Julia and Julia with my friend Allen and then heading into Toronto for the 5th birthday of a friend's son.

This little boy is amazing - braver than anyone I know. He was born with his bowel outside his body and as a result had to have a liver/bowel transplant before he was 2; the 5th child to receive such a transplant in Canada and only the 3rd to survive it. He was so fragile as an infant that simply human contact would cause him to bleed internally, so his parents could only hold him using a pillow. Then his they were told that he needed a kidney transplant because of the first transplant and that he needed dialysis until a kidney became available. Then he was diagnosed with Post-Transplant Lymphoma. This is a leukemia type cancer that can develop after receiving a transplant because of the trauma to the body in combination with the cocktail of immunosuppressant anti-rejection drugs one must take afterwards. So then, on top of receiving dialysis, this little boy had to endure cancer treatment too. Now, even though he is turning 5, he is the size of an 18-month old.

So this is one special birthday party. My sisters and I bought him a few Dora the Explorer games as presents. He absolutely loves Dora. It is really cute - it is like she is his girlfriend.

Happy Birthday Sebastien and may you have many more!

Ignition phase complete

Having realized that her posts had begun to digress from their stated purpose, Bonnita decided to return to the topic supposedly at hand: her plans. As she sat down to type, she she sorted her mental cue cards and planned what she would say.
As her fingers his each key, she wrote:
“Two days ago, after sending back my passport application because of the wrong kind of birth certificate, my British passport arrived by UPS. Ignition phase complete. Thank god, too. I had just purchased my one way plane ticket to London Heathrow when I realized that I still didn’t have my passport! If I was denied, then I would not only be out the $220us, plus postage x2 but I would also have to fork out MORE money for a work visa! That would completely negate the fantastic deal I got on my ticket.
Speaking of my ticket, now this is a doozie. I paid a total of $420 which, like I said is a pretty amazing deal. The only downside - and I don’t really see it as much of one - is that I have to take 3 flights. I am flying American Airlines from Toronto to Boston and then Icelandair from Boston to Rekjavik to London. So by the time I get their I can say that I have been to Iceland too. Yeah, the connections suck, but I have around an hour and a half/two hours between each one to collect my bags and re-check them.
Also, yesterday I found the website for the buses that run in the Berkshire area - most importantly between Maidenhead and Slough. One actually leaves straight from the Sainsbury’s right by my aunt’s house and goes directly into downtown Slough! woot woot
What else…. Oh, I am going to start organizing everything in a binder with page protectors and Post-its and such. Oh this is going to such fun!”
As Bonnita publishes this entry on her blog and closes her computer, feeling the wind pick up in her sails and steps into her bubble bath…